take the wheel and drive..

i have been recently overwhelmed with emotions, problems, tasks, and work to deal with.

the visit back home was great last week but now it has brought forth some issues that i don't like to deal with on a daily basis. my very very good friend here in pa has insisted on a feeling for a person who i wish to keep as friend. but with her urging and words, i have developed a thing in which i think about this friend for a lot of my day. it also doesn't help that this friend of mine is having some issues of his own. but regardless of which i should just realize that its not one of those relationships in which the friendship would/will develop into what my friend wishes for me.

many of my friends being those closest to me in my world are having many issues that i have been lending an ear to. there isn't anything wrong with helping my friends but sometimes its really hard when everyone is having a hard time with their lives and there is nothing i can actually do about it but lend an ear. i want to be there for my friends, take them to lunch, give them a hug, cook them dinner. the things that i normally could and would do to help my friends in need. its hard. here i have a few people who get my attention as a friend. and i say few being maybe 3 or so... but its just hard.

with work and school, I'm currently trying to apply for an internship and if i get it i will not be returning for the summer to Los Angeles which will be hard. but i really want to see if the art world is something i might want to consider entering into. so we shall see, i have about two months left of school and there are many things to be done, papers to be written, research to do and participation to have done... a bit straining but i know i will follow through. almost done with school. one more year and the real world once again. this journey is really interesting.

all these challenges that are minor but i know they are what will make the character in a person. and i want to be a person people will respect and everyday is a challenge to strive to be the person that i want to be. its hard out there, this world we all live in is always filled with ups and downs and we just have to learn how to drive without any instructions or training. we just have to take the wheel and hope for the best. hopefully we have good family and friends helping us steer but letting us make the decision on where to go.

shalom.

back into the mix of things..

the trip back home was very very refreshing. i got a lot of visiting done and got to see a lot of people i wanted to see.

what i realized when i got home was that it will always be the way i left it, perhaps a few new faces here and there but the feeling of home will never really leave me. i think that living somewhere else for a while is doing me some good. giving me some experience that i never thought that i would have, i always pictured myself as a person staying in california but now that i'm living in pa. i think i can live almost anywhere. perhaps the idea of living aboard might not be as bad as it was before. i'm just open to so much now. going home and seeing the familiar faces and sights really made me relax. i did not get to go to the beach but i did get to eat a lot of great foods and see my family and friends. i see the value in keeping good relationships with people, it is kind of like having someone holding on a piece of you for you. they hold the memories that you might have forgotten but once you see their faces and talk to them, they unload a box filled with memories you have lost and now you get to find once again.

coming back to pa and settling back in is a bit tiring so i'll blog soon. take care all. and remember to say hi to a friend you havent spoken to in a while. it might brighten up their day.

shalom.