i just ended something of a relationship with a guy i met 11 months ago. he became a friend that i really cared about, so much that towards the end i wanted to be his gf. he didnt want the same for me. it is really hard for me to even talk about this but i just need to get it through my fingers. i got it in my head that if i was the perfect girlfriend then he would just automatically want me to be his gf, but i was totally wrong. he just was okay just letting things go that way with no intention to being my bf. it was really hard for me to come to the realization of it because i have given him so much of my time, effort, love and friendship. i taught him so much about himself and how he could be a better person and how he could be successful. i helped him with his business and helped his personal life outside of me. it was really hard when we had the "talk" the other night when i cried so much that i had swollen eyes the next day. we cant be friends. we cant do anything but he's constantly on my mind. and i had forgotten who i was and how much i loved myself and my friends are so relieved that i am back from it. i have come up for air and realize that i wasnt truly ever happy if i kept having to try to convince him to be with me. i dont know why i wanted to be with him. i just wanted someone to love and care about besides myself.
but i guess he will live without me just fine cuz that's how it seems. the dates i've been offered are still sitting at the table without any answers.. i'm just working on me right now. taking myself out to nice lunches and dinners and laughing as much as i can. i have to go back to being with me.. maybe the one will come.. maybe he will just be happy to be in my life who knows..
shalom.
