do you hear me???

recently i've been reaching out to all my friends, lovers, family just to feel a bit human, to feel loved. i guess i'm going through one of those life changing moments where i'm growing up. well i've always been pretty grown up but i guess graduating is the societal way of saying i'm a grown up. 

while i'm reaching out to my people, i've noticed that its sooo much harder these days to keep in touch. there are so many more distractions from just saying hi. i've been going crazy trying to get a hold of my friends. text messaging, calling, email, facebook, aim, letters, postcards you name it and i've tried it. where is everyone? why aren't you answering me? i need to know you and i are still something. are we still friends? or did you move on to something or someone more important??? it seems with the more technology we have there are more ways to get frustrated when people you're trying to contact with is not responding. they have so many ways to say hi back and i get nothing. not even the damn busy on the phone because no one has landlines. i'm feeling a bit alone these days. no one is answering. no one is saying anything to me. i'm reaching out and my hand is getting tired from being held out for so long with no one to respond. why is that? are you too busy? are you ignoring me? are you just a bad communicator? are you bad at being human? or are you only my friend when its convenient to you? what is the reason??

i read a book way back when called John Adams. john and his wife Abigail were very close, they wrote letters to each other all the time when he was away doing president stuff. they communicated when a horse carried a piece of paper that held all the wonders of their relationship. its amazing. i love getting letters. but i dont get any. i love sending them out hoping that my loved ones will feel special that in this day and age someone still knows how to send a card. i have a seal and wax as well. i actually have several seals and several color wax for my cards. i send Christmas cards, birthday cards and just thinking of you cards. and still nothing. i am very techie and nothing. i'm starting to think the people are starting to lose their ability to stay in contact. its like wall-e when people dont touch anymore and just stare at the tube all day. it makes me sick. i'm sitting in front of my computer hoping someone will talk to me and nothing. i losing faith in the people i reach out to. 

shalom. 

bon jour...

today is Monday. i started this week on an all night er completing some school work. for some odd reason i'm on fire. i feel great. took a long hot shower and now am ready for what the world is going to offer me. 

its nice that every once in a while when you're in a slum that you have that moment in which you are able to get back on the swing of things. made myself some breakfast and had a perfectly cooked plain omelet (i used two eggs instead of three) just had to point that part out. i also made some country potatoes served with a slice of whole wheat toast. and washed that down with some hot black tea. oj on the way out to school later. but overall somehow not sleeping all night has given me back the energy to just drive through the last few weeks of school. its pretty neat that something that most people dread would be the thing that gives me the jolt that i needed for several weeks now. upon returning from la, i felt a bit lost and zombie like, slicing my finger cutting with a dull knife reminded me a bit of my need for continuous education of food and caution when i think i already know those things. keep learning, keep studying and keep moving is probably my motivation slogan for the next few years, perhaps the rest of my life wouldn't hurt either. 

its hard sometimes in life when you get into a routine, and sometimes that routine isnt something that nowhere near your passion in life. i hope to be driven by what keeps me in love with life. keeping good company and being curious about life is perhaps the way to go. i guess when you think you know it all, life has a way of kicking you in the stomach and rolling you down a hill just to make sure you know that you're still a newbie in life. no matter the age you must always keep humble and realize you're not too cool to be a nerd. and with that i'm going to go spend some time looking at some artwork. art is something that will always keep you on your toes, always new things coming out and always old masters to discover. 

its going to be 59 degrees today with some chance of showers... i might pull out the flip flops just for shits and giggles. one part of my body is already in bandage so why the hell not? 

shalom. 

2 months left

just a side note. this car has currently joined my goals list. 

so two more months until i walk down with that silly hat and gown that says i actually did something kinda productive. this should be interesting as its taken me about 5 years. one year off fooling around. and now after i graduate my plans are to goof off for another two years before i decide on any more schooling. its been a long long journey and i must admit i'm glad i took it. i guess thats what our society calls for a piece a paper that said that i put up with the system for a few years and somewhat am normal enough to do it. i was on the plane and someone had brought it to my attention that the percentage of people who graduate from college with degrees are still the minority in the united states. from this side i swear everyone goes to college, but i'll see about that after i enter the 'real world'.

why do they call it the 'real world' like the pain and misery you feel in college isnt the same type of hurt you get when you graduate? thats just bull. if you can survive life in general and all the bullshit people throw at you i think that should count as some type of merit for keeping sane. 

nothing super great to blog about today. i've been a zombie with senioritus for the last two days since flying into pa. the list of things to do in the next 2 months is so extensive it makes me want to hide under the covers and pretend i'm sun bathing in Hawaii or somewhere that has exotic fruits. o. speaking of which, i'm going to lose it if one more person of a pyramid scam tells me 'you have great personality and you could be successful with our company' no shit, i'm the one giving you crappy looks and yes i know what type of marketing you're trying to do and no i don't want to sell your product that you spoke only 2 mins about. i'll make my money the old fashion way thank you very much. blood sweat tears and networking and not trying to make easy money finding the next dumb ass to buy into the scam. nothing worth anything comes easy. ask your handy dandy brain surgeon... I'm pretty sure my brain surgeon would say hard work pays off= study in library for months and pass the boards= be surgeon and save lives. works for me. its like those people who win the lottery who haven't worked a day in their lives, they don't know what to appreciate and end up losing everything. paying your dues is what matters in my book. i mean there has to be a reason why sluts have a bad rep they're easy. why would you want an easy girl when you can have a girl who's a challenge and is amazing in the long run? just think about it. 

shalom.