what friends become...

i've been thinking a lot about my friends... my so called friends.. my lovers/friends and just relationships between people lately. i currently have been alone in a personal sense a lot. i'm trying to find some peace of mind while i'm back. hopefully gather enough clarity for my last year in school. i complain a lot about living in Pittsburgh, but the people there that i know are the best. they are genuinely good people. no fake lies in who they are. and i like that. here in los angeles, i'm still trying to deal with the secrets and fakeness of the people i have known for years...

last night for the fourth i was able to attend two gatherings, one with old friends and the second with new friends. and its just nice to be wanted. its seems that i'm a bit older regardless of my true age. i dont want to go dancing and being wild... i wanna go to the beach and watch the waves crash, i want to see the artwork in an cool museum... i want to eat with friends and talk more about life and food and the world i live in.. enough of the petty shit. i hope to find that place where i'll be okay no matter where i am. and i hope that with everyone too.

shalom.